I’m incredibly frustrated with my situation right now – for the past week or two, i’ve been trying to challenge myself, having fear foods (i’ve been having slices of bread for these past two days as my friends made me gluten-free corn bread, i had two omelettes with cheese and spices, etc.) and trying to eat more. I have a fear of solid foods, and i’ve been working hard to not also weigh myself daily – another habitual disordered behavior of mine. It’s been hard, but that’s been emotional.
Physically it’s also been challenging. Since the end of November or so, i started having stomach problems. I’ve been suspected of having a gluten sensitivity/Celiac’s (which i need to get confirmed if i want to go into IOP/IP for my eating disorder) in the past, but literally all of the stomach problems i have go away when i don’t eat gluten. After November, something went wrong.
I was in a car accident that gave me horrific migraines lasting days on end, so i went from being holistic and taking Advil as a last resort, to popping it like candy in an effort to maintain my job and stable income. I suspect that’s where this started, but it’s also possible that my eating disorder made me more susceptible. Soon enough i started getting pains in my upper left abdomen (to the point where my boyfriend at the time was worried i’d had a hear attack; my pain tolerance is CRAZY high), nausea that was incredibly persistent, and problems in the restroom. The nausea was so bad that i went going to work sitting next to garbage pans in case i hurled, and the pain was excruciating at best when it hit.
I at first thought it was food poisoning when it began, but eventually realized that it was persistent. I tried everything that usually helps me (like ginger and peppermint for nausea, probiotics to regulate my digestion, etc), but everything just seemed to make it worse. So i tried going on a alkaline diet which helped a lot of my symptoms and decided to see a doctor after the pain became unbearable, causing me to head to a Mediexpress one morning before work. I went to my GI doctor, who thought it may be stomach acid or a problem with my organs They also gave me Nexium which didn’t help (i didn’t think they would since i’ve never burped in my life, so if anything it’s got to be low stomach acid….). I went back a week later when the medication didn’t work, and they ordered me an increased dose. They did an abdominal ultrasound, and since that came normal they said that they would have to start ruling things out.
When the dosage increase didn’t help i went back again and my doctor wasn’t available, so i saw another, who merely gave me Zofan and a different anti-acid medication; knowing that i suffered from an eating disorder, she suggested that it was due to my depression, and anxiety. Odd, since my eating disorder was more likely the culprit given the scenario. They did blood-work, to rule out autoimmune disorders, and food intolerances.
After that all came back normal, i had to go to yet another doctor to consult with, and schedule an endoscopy. The results came back a mild gastritis, but i told them that i had been following a really bland diet – one that would minimize the inflammation as it’s incredibly debilitating to feel like you’re going to hurl 24/7, and being in stomach pain, diarrhea, etc. Don’t get me wrong – i’m open to the idea that it’s depression and/or anxiety – but they’ve yet to show me any proof that it’s such, so i’m hesitant to accept it as the answer for this particular problem. Especially since my results did come back as gastritis – and that’s after such a bland diet had me feeling better for weeks. They called me the next week, telling me that there was nothing cancerous in my stomachs, that they had given me more Zofran (not the sub-lingual but instead the pill – which works 10x less in comparison) and that they would put me Dexilant to help my stomach lining. It hasn’t helped, and anytime i try to eat a somewhat normalized diet – by having a small portion of mac and cheese for example – i tend to feel horribly ill. It really doesn’t help me, in trying to eat more and recover from my eating disorder.
This is all just so incredibly frustrating. I’m reading a lot online about gastritis and the different diet that people have found helpful, so i’m going to see if such helps in my situation as well. I’m just sick of the fucking nausea. The sub-lingual Zofran was a god-send and the pills barely work at all.
Borderline Dissonance 